The Bible nowhere says that Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transsexuals can or should change their sexual orientation.
NO SCRIPTURAL BASIS EXISTS FOR THE "EX-GAY" MINISTRIES THAT TRY TO CHANGE ONE'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
Bible basis exists for the so called "Ex-Gay" movement that has sprung
up in the past 15 years in many denominations and independent religious
groups. No scientific basis exists for the "reparative therapy"
to "cure" homosexuals or "deliver" people from their
homosexuality. Claims of such cures and deliverance do not hold
up under close examination.
Love In Action, a movement led
by Kent Philpott, was an early attempt at changing gays to straight in
Marin County, California. Philpott wrote a book about a small
group of people that he claimed to change from gay to straight.
The book, The Third Sex?,
claimed that the people in the group had changed from homosexual to
heterosexual. The people in the book later denied that they had
changed and sued the publisher and won. Now the book cannot be
published in the U.S. but is still available from England and is still
used to perpetuate the "ex-gay" fraud.
of the people in the book is my friend John Evans, who has been on
national television and is featured in the documentary on the history
of "Ex-Gay" experiments and ministries, One Nation Under God.
I am also featured in this documentary which has been shown on National
Public Television and in movie theaters during Gay Pride Week for
several years. John also is featured in the book, Ex-Gays, There Are None
by Sylvia Pennington, who studied the so called "Ex-Gay" claims for
years and refuted the claims of the movement. She tells John's
story and the stories of many others.
largest and best known group is "Exodus International" and local
branches of their ministries. Michael Bussee and his partner Gary
Cooper helped to start Exodus and then realized that they were hurting
and not helping gay people. Their story is the main theme of the
documentary, One Nation Under God.
Gary died of AIDS in 1991. Michael continues to fight against
religious fear and ignorance and to advocate for acceptance of Gays and
Lesbians as people of God.
See the web site the
PFLAG site. Both of these sites give up-to-date links and information about the "Ex-Gay
Fraud". See alarming article on "Hiding Out" in recent San Francisco Bay Guardian.
Anonymous" has developed as a growing movement that employs an abusive
and oppressive use of "steps to recovery" to offer the false hope that
homosexuals can change and become heterosexual. The "14 Steps to
Recovery" from homosexuality that HA teaches are patterned closely
after the wording of the 12 steps to recovery in Alcoholics
Anonymous. False fundamentalist assumptions about the Bible are
read into these "steps to recovery" and cleverly used deceive people
into thinking that the program really works and can change Gays and
Lesbians to become straight. "Homosexuals Anonymous" is closely
connected to "Exodus International" and teaches the same false claims
about the Bible.
The following updates have been added to give recent information related to the "Ex-Gay Fraud"
See powerful recent letter from wife and mother..
"A TIME FOR COURAGE"
Update for January 25, 2004
UNDER SEVERE ATTACK
it: the President's State of the Union speech was a homophobic
misinformed vicious attack on everything that GLBT people expect and
deserve from our leaders! We cannot meekly submit to our own
destruction. The misguided determination of the President to
encourage and support misinformed abusive religion and his blatant call
for Congress to oppose and defeat any plan for honoring and supporting
same-sex relationships is a clear declaration of war on GLBT people
WHERE TO BEGIN
Start building your
courageous response to these attacks by becoming informed. Read
carefully the State of the Union speech. It is available online
(see link below). Read the updated "Soulforce" web site material
given in the links below. Read again my web site material on "The Ex-Gay Fraud" and "A Response to Southern Baptists"
along with everything in Step One in my web site and book.
a copy of my book and study all of it with others in a small
group. See links below and "Guidelines for Small Groups" in
chapter 4 of my book. Give copies of my book to people who really
want to know the truth about what is happening to us in our
increasingly hostile homophobic world. Becoming informed is an
essential step in dealing with any form of war against us.
Homophobia is a disease that will never be stopped by ignorance and
neglect. The only effective vaccination against
religious/political terrorism attacks on GLBT people is accurate
information that tells the truth.
cannot effectively resist religious terrorism from behind closed
doors. Hiding in the basement may save you from the destructive
forces of a tornado, but hiding in the closet will only guarantee your
destruction from social and political bigotry and ignorance.
Read and study all of my web site and book material on Step 9. See links below.
President Bush was delivering his diatribe against GLBT people, Vice
President Cheney was in view just behind the President smirking and
nodding his approval of what was being said. The hypocrisy and
irony of all of this was clear in the fact that Chaney has an openly
LINK YOUR COURAGE WITH OTHERS
with existing organizations such as Soulforce and Metropolitan
Community Church, which are already in place and working hard to build
and sustain the courage demanded from all of us by these rapidly
developing war clouds that are rolling in our direction. Start
your own home study and support group for education and dialogue.
Explore the resources and learn about PFLAG and the many other GLBT
supportive organizations that can be found on many web sites for the
various GLBT friendly religious denominations and local action groups.
calling to link with other GLBT people in a united front of courageous
opposition to abusive ignorant politicians and preachers is part of any
strategy for survival in our present situation. We are not just
trying to make more progress in GLBT human and civil rights. We are
struggling to survive a new holocaust of misinformation and political
profiting from anti-gay social, political, and religious forces.
Public leaders like the President are declaring policies and plans that
do not reveal the real motivation and power play that underlies the
present attacks on our freedom and survival.
hidden agenda of the President and his cronies is buried deep within
the backroom deals and plotting that is feeding the present programs
against homosexuals in every segment of our society. We have no
choice but to fight back. The strategy of our counter attack is
yet fully to emerge. The present level of homophobic governmental
and political attacks on GLBT people is new and unexpected.
A NEW TERRORISM
as the Nazi Party blamed the Communists and the Jews for the political
and social turmoil in pre-WWII Germany, the new vaguely disguised
fascists of our present time are close to identifying GLBT people with
terrorists and terrorism as the mortal enemies of our social values and
political and religious foundation is being laid to convince the
American people that GLBT people are the enemy of the state and a
threat to marriage and the home and to all of our social and moral
values. These are the exact same claims on which the Nazi war
machine built horrors of murder and extermination. During the
President's speech I almost expected some of his supporters to jump to
their feet, give the Nazi salute, and shout "SEIG HEIL!" (See "SEIG
HEIL" in Google.)
WE ALSO HAVE SUPPORT
situation we face is grim and dangerous, but it is not
impossible. There is hope. We have a lot of support that is
not being expressed yet. Encourage that support by coming out to
your family and friends and by asking them to stand by you. Above
all, get accurate information about GLBT people and GLBT issues to
everyone within your sphere of influence.
friend Laura Montgomery Rutt of "Soulforce" has issued a strong
statement revealing the serious threat of political/religious support
for "Ex-Gay" terrorism that is gaining in power and influence.
The President is giving strong support behind the scenes in White House
meetings to various "Save the Family" types of religious groups that
promote the "Ex-Gay" industry. (See Americans United for
Separation of Church and State web site link below.)
cannot afford to ignore what happened to us in the President's State of
the Union speech. George Bush has laid the foundation for a new
wave of homophobia and misunderstanding that could have devastating
results for all of us.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Do whatever you can
to pass this update on to others. Accurate believable information
about homosexuals and homosexuality is available on my web site and in
multitudes of other sites on the Internet and in books and other
publications. The kind of ignorance and meanness that was evident
in the President's speech is inexcusable and can only be the result of
intentional lying based on abusive ignorant religion. This power
and influence of abusive religion in the White House is unacceptable to
anyone who bothers to think and to become informed with the facts.
January 23, 2004
See the President's Speech online:
a recent article about the President's State of the Union attack on
GLBT people by Herndon L. Davis, author of "Black, Gay & Christian"
See "Americans United for Separation of Church and State" articles at:
See also article on Ex-Gay issue: http://www.au.org/press/pr040117.htm
See Soulforce material at
See Internet stories about Cheney's Lesbian daughter on "Google":
See Step One on "Admit You Have Been Hurt By Religion"
See Step 9 on "Coming Out"
See "Sexual Orientation and the Ex-Gay Fraud"
See: "A RESPONSE TO SOUTHERN BAPTISTS"
See also: "Start Your Own Group"
Material added on May 4, 2001
"BREAK THE OTHER LEG"
just received the packet of material that "Focus on the Family" sends
out under the title of "Help for Homosexuals". It was well
written with pictures and many ads for ex-gay literature by just about
everybody that I know have written such books, with one exception: No
John Paulk! John Paulk is never mentioned and his book is never
listed. It is as if John Paulk never lived.
most obvious evidence against everything that Focus on the Family does
to demean, invalidate, confuse, abuse, deceive and destroy homosexuals
is conveniently ignored as if it never happened! John Paulk is an
embarrassment to the entire "Ex-Gay" industry. Until he was
discovered last year cruising in a famous gay bar in D.C., Paulk was in
charge of all of the Focus on the Family homophobic abuse and
misinformation! You can read about John Paulk and my reviews of his book and others.
BREAK THE OTHER LEG
I read the Focus on the Family material on helping homosexuals, I was
struck by how tired it is. It is the same distortions and lies
that have been launched against LGBT people by misinformed
fundamentalists for twenty years. The same old so-called medical
and psychological experts are quoted along with long discredited
"research" to prove everything.
thought occurred to me that the Focus on the Family method of helping
homosexuals is like helping someone with a broken leg by breaking the
other leg. Then you can push the person around in a wheelchair
and be praised and admired for your compassion and kindness to a
disabled person. The fact that you are the one who disabled the
person seems to be lost in the pride and self-congratulations that
re-enforce and encourage such destructive nonsense.
people already are wounded and broken by social rejection, unfair anti
homosexual laws, job and housing discrimination, deeply seated
prejudice against them, family abuse, internalized homophobia, and
bullying and ridicule from childhood to old age. Then abusive
churches come along and break the other leg by saying that God also
hates you and rejects you and you are an abomination to God! The
spiritual resources that help everybody else deal with stress are
systematically denied to LBGT people by the prevailing sick oppressive
religion of today. When will this madness stop?
FUNDAMENTALISM AND DEPENDENCY
create a religious environment of legalistic judgmental fear that makes
their followers dependent on a flawed religious system for their peace
of mind and sense of security. Abusive sick religion wounds
people and then plays the role of healer to fix something that was
never broken to begin with. It may be an obvious retreat from
reality, but it makes a lot of money, a whole lot of money!
is bad enough that the misinformed homophobic fundamentalists lead many
GLBT people to commit suicide in fear and despair, but for them to
amass great financial profit from their evil works is beyond any
possible justification. The same can be said for all abusive
encourage and create dependence on their system by teaching their own
misinformation, opinions and prejudices instead of teaching their
followers to think for themselves.
SICK RELIGION AND DESPERATION
homophobic fundamentalism also makes people desperate, desperate for
change, desperate to change themselves to fit the unrealistic demands
of sick religion, and desperate to please other desperate people who
are out of touch with spiritual reality.
any kind of stress makes us desperate, we become victims of our own
feelings, and being cool, calm and collected becomes a great challenge.
the statement in "Blazing Saddles" about something being "The last act
of a desperate man"? The comic reply was, "I don't care if it's
the first act of Henry the Fifth!" Desperate acts get us into a
lot of trouble, like losing our jobs, losing our money, getting
married, acting crazy, and joining abusive churches.
does it take to make you desperate? Have you ever done
destructive things to yourself because you were desperate? I
have. Desperation is never a pretty picture. Fear and
desperation often go together. Fear of losing your lover, your
job, your health, your reputation, your friends, your family, your
possessions, or your life can fill you with dread and make you
FEAR AND ANGER
and anger can trigger feelings of desperation. Fear, sex and
anger are among the most powerful human emotions that can take over and
run our lives – smack into the nearest wall or head-on into oncoming
does it take to make you angry? Having someone pull into a
parking place in front of you? Having a friend get mad and hang
up on you on the phone? Having to wait too long in the check out
line or the post office line or anywhere else? Having religious
bigots misunderstand and condemn you? Anger and frustration also
trigger desperation and can make some people launch their built-in
"attack mode" guided by their "reptilian brain" and do themselves a lot
more harm than they do to others.
have long ago lost count of the number of people who have written to me
to tell me that they had planned or attempted suicide because of the
self-hate and desperation created in their minds by sick abusive
are we so self-destructive? I wish I knew! Is there a
solution to desperation? Yes. Follow Jesus. I am
impressed by the total absence of desperation in the attitude of Jesus
throughout the Gospels. Jesus was cool, calm and collected.
According to the Gospels, Jesus' response to his own anger was to
withdraw, take time to cool off and reflect on what was
happening. (See Mark 3:1-7 and parallels and my web site and book
material on "How Jesus Handled Anger" in
"cleansing the Temple" was not an act of "anger," which is never
mentioned in the story. Jesus drove out the money changes because
of their misuse of the part of the Temple that was open for "all
nations" (the word is same as "Gentiles"). Jesus was fulfilling
precise prophecy regarding his mission of welcome and peace for all
people. It was anything but "the desperate act of an angry man!"
do you think self-control comes from? The final word in the list
of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 is "self-control."
The Greek word means literally "to get a grip on yourself."
Somewhere between "love," the first fruit, and "self-control," the
Spirit of Jesus instills in us the qualities of thinking and emotions
that lift us above stress and give us the ability to handle pressure
without falling victims to our own despair or desperation.
A PERSONAL NOTE
weekend, May 10-13, my sister, Jackque, and I will go to Laurens, South
Carolina to visit our mother for Mother's Day. My mother is my
greatest supporter and spiritual encouragement in my ministry.
She has finished reading my book 3 times, in spite of her very poor
eyesight. She is legally blind. My sister and I are moving
forward on plans to celebrate her birthday along with the rest of the
family on August 11, when she will be 90 years old.
we asked Mother what she wanted to do to celebrate her birthday, she
said, "I want to go to the beach!" So that is what we will
do. My sister has rented a beach cottage for a week at the South
Carolina beach we used to go to years ago, and everybody in the family
who can get there will join us for the August 11, 2001, celebration.
Thank you for all of your e-mail, your encouragement and
This update was added on March 12, 2001:
Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is the title of a powerful movie nominated for
the Academy Award for Best Picture. This Chinese movie contains
great acting and incredible special effects and scenery. It
develops Asian philosophies and traditions around the theme of powerful
hidden forces for both good and evil. It was a dramatic reminder
to me that many of the most negative and destructive forces around us
are hidden from view.
is often out of sight. Child abuse and spouse abuse are usually
hidden from public view and go on for years undetected even by other
family members and friends. Yesterday the city of San Francisco
held a memorial service at city hall for the hundreds of homeless men,
women and children who have died on the streets. Homeless people
are hidden from view in dark doorways and other temporary
shelters. The abuse and neglect of the homeless by our society
finally comes to light in suffering and death that cannot be overlooked.
of the troubled, vulnerable and dysfunctional people in our society
have always been kept behind closed doors in prisons, nursing homes,
mental hospitals and other institutions where inhumane and abusive
treatment are kept hidden from the public. Our entire nation is
in denial about what is happening to many of our fellow citizens out of
sight in abusive destructive relationships.
HOMOSEXUALS ARE STILL VICTIMS
matter what laws are passed or what churches decide, homosexuals are
still under attack from their own families and from within. Our
hidden dragons are often within our own families and within
ourselves. Internal homophobia creates more low self-esteem and
self-destructive behavior than open homophobic attacks against us.
of the e-mail that I have received recently is from people who have
found my web site and have begun to find help in accepting themselves
and in trying to deal with family pressure and abuse. They still
have many questions and wrestle with many forms of self-doubt and
fear. The powerful abusive influence of religion is always there.
THE HIDDEN DRAGON OF RELIGION
in our culture are programmed with abusive traditional religion before
they are aware of what is happening to them. Long before a child
is able to make independent decisions about anything, illogical
religious ideas and teachings are implanted that will take a lifetime
to correct. Religion is neither realistic nor objective; so when
an individual begins to become mature enough to be realistic and
objective, the shreds of irrelevant religion that remain are often
rejected and replaced with whatever makes sense.
process is never totally complete. Many pressures remain in
society to continue to cooperate with and give superficial support to
religion, even when religion is negative and destructive.
Hypocrisy is never a really comfortable state of mind, and misplaced
guilt drives many individuals into extremely destructive behaviors
against the self and against others.
is based largely on "what the Bible says" even when the truth is
clearly explained, as it is in my web site and book. Resistance
to challenging and changing prejudices and misinformation based on
"what God says" is one of the most destructive of the many "hidden
dragons" in our culture.
dragons abound in every area of life. In 1957, Vance Packard
published "The Hidden Persuaders," a revealing study of the "hidden
dragons" in advertising. As I studied this book in my seminary
courses on sociology and religion, I realized that the same principles
of hidden persuaders and subliminal suggests abound also in religion.
that effective hidden efforts are being made to control your mind and
make you think in certain ways so that you will buy appliances you
don't really need and support abusive religion can go a long way to
encourage you to resist the "hard sell" in business and in
religion. Are you aware of the subtle pressures and convincing
false claims that invade your mind and heart every day?
Internet is full of hidden persuaders and "hidden dragons." Every
hate group in the country has a web site. Every religious group
from the most liberal to the most fanatic religious nut has a web
site. If people never lied before, they lie on the Internet in
web sites and in e-mail. They can be destructive dragons, but
they can remain hidden just like a "crouching tiger" in the shadows of
the cyber jungle.
AVOID BEING DEVOURED BY DRAGONS
can you arm yourself to overcome the hidden dragons all around you in
your culture and in your own family and in yourself? How do you
manage to see through the hidden persuaders that attempt to seduce you
into self-hate and self-destructive behavior? How free are you to
apply logic and common sense to the emotional stalking of abusive
religious tigers and dragons?
has all of the answers. The most abusive and destructive
"crouching tigers and hidden dragons" remain out of sight and out of
mind. Abusive religion sneaks up on you from your blind
side. What is your blind side? Is it your blind faith that
has seduced you into believing misinformation about God, the Bible,
Jesus, other people and yourself?
means have you discovered to bring logic, accurate information,
objective thinking and realism into your life? These are powerful
anti-dragon weapons. You already have them. Now use them
and enjoy your freedom to be yourself and to help others do the same.
"WHAT IS TRUTH?"
Update for August 20, 2001
recent national census gave opportunity for same-sex committed couples
to be counted. Final figures are not in yet, but 500,000 couples
"came out" and were counted. This was a small percentage of the
same-sex couples in this country. Census takers reported that
many Gay and Lesbian people in relationships were reluctant or
unwilling to be counted yet. (See my web site material on "Statistics" in link below. See all of my material on "The Ex-gay Fraud.")
repression, misunderstandings and self-hate are among the many results
of religious abuse that continue to unsettle and threaten GLBT people
everywhere. Truth is the first casualty of religious abuse and
oppression. Misinformation and religious distortions have been
declared to be the truth of God. Standard accepted doctrines of
religion are bent into homophobic weapons for the torture and
destruction of LGBT people.
and Lesbian people have been taught to hate and fear themselves by
religious movements and rabid religious leaders who do not know God or
their own true selves. The lies of religion throughout history
have hindered human progress in every field and have destroyed
multitudes of people for the sake of false gods. Truth forever on
the scaffold has been the result of religion soaked culture from the
beginning of history.
THE PERSISTENT SUBPLOT
and Lesbian people have been part of human history at every moment and
every age. At times homosexuals emerged into the forefront of
history as with Socrates, Alexander the Great, many great musicians and
artists, and a few brave pioneers like Oscar Wilde, who paid the high
price of being openly gay. In many native cultures, homosexuals
have been honored and respected for their insight and spiritual
true role of homosexuals in history, however, has often been obscured
and denied by religious powers and political force. In the 32
years since Stonewall, many writers and researchers have brought the
homosexual subplot of human history into clear focus. GLBT
activists have expressed concern that the low number of same-sex
couples counted in the census will hinder the progress of LGBT rights
and helpful legislation for our community.
TRUTH AND GOD
biblical view of truth is connected with the sovereignty of God.
"God is true." (Romans 3:4) Hebrews 6:18: "It is impossible for
God to lie." John 8:31-59
explores the theme of truth and shows how Jesus connected truth and
freedom: "You shall know the truth and the truth will make you
free." In John 14:6, Jesus said: "I am the truth" and in 14:17
called the Holy Spirit "the Spirit of truth."
complained in Romans 1:25 that some "exchanged the truth of God for a
lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who
is blessed for ever." See also Paul's discussion of truth as the
chief characteristic of the "new self" in Christ in Ephesians 4:22-25
and in 6:14 says that the first basic piece of Christian armor that
equips believers to stand firm is "truth" 6:14. When Paul gives a
list of things that should dominate the thinking of believers, the
first is "whatever is true." (Philippians 4:8). This biblical
emphasis on truth is not by accident.
Hypocrisy is the denial of truth by wearing a mask that hides the truth. See Matthew 23 for the teachings of Jesus about hypocrisy.
ultimate expression of truth takes place in John 18:37-38, where Jesus
said to Pilate: "I have come into the world to bear witness to the
truth. Every one who is of the truth hears my voice," to which
Pilate answered: "What is truth?" Robert Browning commented on
this with the poetic line: "What is truth said jesting Pilate, and
would not wait for the answer." Jesus was crucified for telling
THE HIGH COST OF TELLING THE TRUTH
the truth can be very costly to GLBT people, as you probably have
discovered for yourself. Hiding your truth can be even more
costly in low self-esteem, shame, fear, self-destructive attitudes and
actions, and in living constantly under the stress of living a lie.
See my web site material on Step 9: "Come Out and Accept Yourself."
Coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual is essential to
your mental and emotional health. Internal conflict over your own
sexual orientation can drain your energy, distort your view of reality
and condemn you to a lifetime of fear and despair.
guess from my experience in our community and in churches, travel,
e-mail and other responses to my web site and book is that probably
less than one percent of homosexuals are out to anyone beside
themselves, and a lot of GLBT people are not even out to
themselves. All statistics about LGBT people are wrong.
They cannot possibly be correct, because nobody knows the sexual
orientation of the total population, not even of the people you already
against us by the homophobic religious right and by politicians are
based on misinformation, erroneous statistics, distortions of truth and
the use of intentionally misrepresented information. Why are so
many people willing to believe abusive religious distortions of truth
against us? Why do so many of us still believe the abusive
religious attacks against us?
THE AWFUL TRUTH
awful truth that few people are willing to face honestly and without
fear is that the "faith based" homophobia in our culture is wrong,
ungodly and out of touch with reality. Religion has persisted
throughout history in the effort to explain difficult questions with
speculation and an endless array of idolatries. As long as the
churches in America are unwilling to take an honest fresh look at
themselves and their whole approach to reality and truth, no real
progress for us is possible. When the church leaders reluctantly
decide to study us, we cheer the progress that we are making.
only step that will be real progress for us will be for the churches to
turn back to the Jesus of the Gospel and completely change their basic
priorities from money to people, from power to service, from
condemnation to acceptance, from exclusion to inclusion, from
manipulation to love and from idolatry to truth. Reluctant
acceptance of gay people into church leadership is no real progress if
the entire church cannot rid itself of the idolatry that goes by the
name of "Christianity" today. When we go into the traditional
homophobic churches today, we are boarding the Titanic just before the
iceberg revealed the awful truth that the greatest ship ever could be
destroyed in a few minutes.
Titanic sank because the captain ignored the truth and was on the route
that led to destruction instead of to the expected glory of success.
matter how beautiful and imposing the buildings might be, religious
institutions that are not built on the truth are crumbling from within
and will fail. Love and truth are the basic methods of
Jesus. "Love never fails" and "truth sets you free." To
cooperate with violence and deceit in the name of religion is to deny
God and abandon spiritual freedom.
are not here to join the churches. We are here to change the
churches and every other facet of our culture and society that is
founded upon anything else but the truth. The truth will set you
free. Are you free yet?
home groups that meet informally for spiritual growth, support,
learning and dialogue are a successful alternative to institutional
religion for many people.
"THE TRUTH ABOUT HOMOSEXUALS"
(Statistics and Attacks on Homosexuals)
Rembert Truluck August 26, 1998.
anti-gay rhetoric has included statistics about gay and lesbian
behavior and "lifestyle" that twist the truth and create lies and
distortions for religious, financial, and political purposes. The
truth is that nobody knows what homosexuals do or think because nobody
knows who is homosexual and who is not!
THE CLOSET IS THE PROBLEM
I was outed and left the Baptist College of Charleston, SC, in 1981, I
moved to Atlanta to stay with my sister and met the mayor's director of
human rights programs. I asked her if there was a way to fund a
research project to study the social condition of gay people such as
demographics, medical needs, financial needs, employment and living
conditions, and other issues in the gay community that would provide an
accurate and reliable basis for city programs that would address the
needs of gay people in Atlanta. She said that such a study was
greatly needed, but no money was available for it.
still feel, 18 years later, that such a study is needed more now than
ever. The problem in doing such research is the simple fact that
the overwhelming majority of gay and lesbian people are in the closet,
and nobody really knows who is gay and who is not.
that claim that the average gay man lives only 40 years, that gays have
far above average income, and that give awesome figures about the
private sex activities of homosexuals are all pure nonsense!
Nobody knows. No research tools have yet been developed that can
penetrate beyond the closet door that protects millions of gay and
lesbian people from the false prophets and homophobic fundamentalists
who see themselves on a holy mission as the "hounds of heaven" to
search out and destroy "the enemy": us!
lies about gay people that have gone under the banner of "statistics"
have been told so often and in so many publications that far too many
people, including gays and lesbians, believe the lies. The
"statistics" are based on speculation, faulty research, and outright
fabrications and are not true.
IGNORANCE STILL PREVAILS
professional scientific and medical world since 1973 has taken a firm
and unswerving stand for accepting and respecting homosexual
orientation as healthy and deserving of equal protection under the laws
that protect all other minorities. The ignorance level about
homosexuals, however, has steadily risen through the efforts of
preachers and politicians who use religion and fear to promote lies
about gay people.
people are no different from the general population in most
things. You are surrounded by gay people that you do not know are
gay. From my personal experience in gay communities in many
cities, rural areas, and small towns and through my contacts with gays
and lesbians because of ministry with gay churches and my web site, and
as a result of my own reading and research, I am convinced that at
least 10% of the population is homosexual, just as Dr. Alfred Kinsey
discovered years ago.
gay people take care never to draw attention to their sexual
orientation, even though such "living in the closet" can cause a lot of
inner pain, loneliness, isolation, and despair. No two homosexual
people are exactly alike. Our individuality defies stereotypes
and any truly reliable "statistics".
the statistics that are derived from the study of people with HIV and
AIDS tell us very little about gays in general. Probably 1 in 10
to 25 people with HIV even know that they are infected, and only a
small percentage of those who are infected with HIV ever tell anyone or
get treatment until the symptoms become too overwhelming to hide any
Elder Troy Perry, Founder and Moderator of the Universal Fellowship of
Metropolitan Community Churches, used to say that the world would be
startled and wake up to the fact that we really are "everywhere" if
suddenly all homosexuals would turn purple. What a surprise to
the U.S. Congress, court system, military, business world,
entertainment, educational system, law enforcement, and the rest of our
society if suddenly all homosexuals were identified by turning
purple! As Rev. Perry has said many times, "Unfortunately, AIDS
did this for many of us." Yet people with AIDS are only a small
fraction of male homosexuals.
incredible and unfounded claims by powerful political, religious, and
other leaders that equate homosexuals with alcoholics, kleptomaniacs,
and other "sinners" and misfits has not been answered adequately in the
news media so far!
I finally went to Alcoholics Anonymous and quit drinking on August 8,
1989, my mother wrote me to tell me how glad she was that I had begun
the road to recovery from alcoholism. She said that she was far
more worried about my drinking than about my being gay, because, as she
said, "You can't do anything about being gay, but you can quit
judgmental legalism replaces the gospel, ignorance is preached from the
pulpit as "the word of God", and lies are lifted up in prayers and
sermons as the truth, the church is in deep trouble. Jesus as
"the way, the truth, and the life" has been replaced with "the
stumbling block, the lie, and the disaster."
ISOLATING THE BIGOT GENE
an incredible front page story on August 26, 1998, "The San Francisco
Examiner" reported on the ideas of a lawyer who believed that if a gay
gene were to be discovered, parents would be justified in aborting
babies with the "gay gene". This could open the way for ignorant
homophobic fundamentalists to push for the abortion of babies that
carried the "gay gene" once such a gene is found. The lawyer
suggested that this would spare the parents from the distress and pain
of having homosexual children!
reply is that scientific research would be better served to isolate and
identify the "bigot gene" that causes people to hate and want to
destroy people who are different from themselves and that they consider
to be inferior. It could be called the "nazi gene" and would
provide the basis for compassionate doctors to abort babies with the
bigot gene so that they would not bring distress and pain to their
parents and possibly wholesale destruction to multitudes of "inferior"
on what I know about gene research, it is unlikely that a gene will be
found that determines sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is a
gift from God, like the talent for music, art, writing, etc.
Sexual orientation is not a human made trait and is not going to be
subject to human manipulation any time soon.
however, can be cured. An encouraging letter came to me yesterday
that said, "Only recently, weeks ago did I realize my condemning of
homosexuality was an abomination to the Lord, not the
homosexuals." Such conversions are far more frequent than we may
realize. The truth goes marching on. Be part of the march
Some religious leaders have elevated ignorance
to the level of a virtue and a moral obligation.
Jesus came to replace sick destructive religion with himself.
"MARRIED WITH CHILDREN"
Answers for GLBT people who are married with children
Update. January 2, 1999
January 2, 1999, I received e-mail from a gay man has been helped by my
web site and who is 52 years old, married with 2 children, and just
came out to his wife 2 weeks ago. She caught him reading Troy
Perry's book, and "that led to a long discussion."
was a most appropriate letter for me to read at the beginning of this
new year. It was a "wake up call" to me to plunge into the issues
and answers that dominate the lives of multitudes of unknown tightly
closeted gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who are "married with
children" and who live in fear and dread of being found out and
WITH CHILDREN" was a popular and very funny television situation comedy
about outrageous situations faced by a married couple and their two
hilarious children. What if this had been the story of a married
lesbian and her gay husband and their two homosexual children?
Maybe it was! No matter how crazy things got, the solution was
always found in funny developments that were often more crazy than the
web site on the Internet has already reached thousands of "married with
children" gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people with
encouragement, information, and hope. I am grateful for
this. But readily available resources that speak directly to the
needs of "married with children" homosexuals are hard to find.
Resources like my material in "Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse" and
other web sites like "Gay Dads"
("A Coming Out Guide for Gaydads") (including many useful links)
are helpful but keep the reader at a distance and cannot really provide
the kind of face to face personal or small group dialogue for
encouragement and support that everybody needs.
"married with children" GLBT people are afraid even to have a helpful
book in their possession or to venture out and visit a Metropolitan
Community Church. Yet progress is being made, especially through
the Internet. See the discussion pages links in the "GayDads"
personally have had the opportunity to bring some "married with
children" gay/lesbian/bi/trans people together with others in
e-mail friendships, but that is slow and reaches only a tiny fraction
of the millions (yes, millions!) of closeted "married with children"
gay, lesbians, bi, trans people in the USA. World-wide, the
numbers are mind boggling!
have no doubt that only a tiny fraction of gay, lesbian, and bisexual
people in this country live in visible gay communities like San
Francisco's Castro or Atlanta's Midtown. Most homosexuals are not
"out" to anybody! The overwhelming majority of us live in
millions of uncomfortable heterosexual marriages in every geographical,
cultural, and social place in our world. This is why the
"statistics" about homosexuals are always false and misleading, no
matter who gives the statistics. See "The Truth About Homosexuals" (Statistics) above.
secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, loneliness, isolation, and a pervading
mood of abandonment and rejection by God can so undermine self esteem
and self control that terribly self destructive decisions and actions
are not unexpectedly frequent and devastating. One of the first
self destructive decisions made by many of us who have been or are
married with children is the decision to get married in the first
place. Social and religious pressure on homosexuals to marry
continues to be as unrelenting and unrealistic as it was when I got
married in 1959.
recently, "ex-gay" and other misguided counselors have urged gay and
lesbian people to get married so that engaging in heterosexual sex will
"cure" them. This bold and incredibly destructive lie still
prevails in much of our culture today. See the "True Personal Story"
If you have not looked at it, read all of my own story in About the Author.
I do not claim to have handled my own "coming out" well at all. I
let the circumstances around me control what happened instead of
thinking clearly and being in control of my own fate. I have
tried to share some of what I have learned from my own experience and
that of others in my material on "Practical Guidelines for Coming Out"
and "The Bible Basis for Coming Out" in Step 9
There are no easy solutions to the dilemma faced by GLBT people who are "married with children".
you are facing this dilemma or if you have found solutions that have
worked for you, please write to me and tell me about it. I want
to understand better what is happening to our sisters and brothers who
are "married with children" so that I can be of more help than I have
been so far. I still need answers for myself. We are in
this crazy world together. We need each other and we can help and
encourage each other.
Thank you for your response.
Rembert Truluck (click for e-mail form)
"Now concerning the things about which you wrote,
it is good for a man not to touch a woman."
Here, in I Corinthians 7:1, and in the entire chapter,
Paul recognized that there were many exceptions to the
cultural demands of his day, which assumed that
every man should be married.
We do not know what were
"the thing about which you wrote",
but we do know that throughout this chapter,
Paul gives his opinions and not "commands" (7:6, 25)
and that he concludes his opinions by saying
"I THINK that I also have the Spirit of God."
YOU also have the Spirit of God yourself.
Work out what Works best for you!
(See: Philippians 2:12-13: "Workout your own
salvation with fear and trembling; for God
is energizing you, both to desire and to work
for God's good purpose.")
A Recent Letter from the Wife of a Closeted Gay Man:
Letter from Anita
May 5, 2001:
am a heterosexual woman who has figured out that her husband is
gay. It has been hard to separate the feeling of being used from
the feelings of anger over his lying (the constant harping on "my"
problems as the reason for no sex or affection, the constant criticism
of me as the reason for nearly a decade's distancing).
have two daughters, and I am prepared for the eventuality that one or
both of them could be gay: this is not helped by his preaching
that gay people are "bad" to our children.
spread the word to people who think that they might be gay: DON'T MARRY
STRAIGHT PEOPLE. When the divorce arrives, and I suspect it will,
I will have my hands full trying to be supportive of my
daughters. If he comes out, I will have my hands full un-teaching
the homophobia he is pushing at them in a desperate attempt to stay in
spread the word to closet cases that have married: TREAT YOUR
SPOUSE WITH RESPECT, not disdain because your spouse fell for the line
you spun. It was bad to lie, and it is bad to blame the victim
for your lie.
Yours for a day when people coming out of the closet do not play head games with their spouses
and children, --Anita
"THE EX-GAY WARS"
Update added October 26, 2003
has been declared against GLBT people on many battlefronts.
Religion, politics and ignorance have been launched like nuclear
missiles against all of us in recent years and months and days.
All out war has been declared against us in retaliation for all of the
GLBT progress that has been made recently in the U. S. Supreme Court
and in many significant arenas of public policy and public opinion.
A recent book by Wayne Besen
on the "Ex-Gay Industry" is a very important source of counter-attack
in our response to the escalating war against us. The book by
Wayne Besen is "Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies
Behind the Ex-Gay Myth."
(See links below.) I encourage you to get a copy of this book and
use it as a helpful resource in your personal equipment for
battle. See the long "Forward" to the book by
Besen has been an effective advocate for GLBT human rights for many
years, and this recent book is an impressive and practical resource for
all of us engaged in the battle for truth and honesty. Besen is
the person who made photographs of John Paulk in the Gay Bar in
Washington, DC, that exposed the truth about John Paulk and his fake
"Ex-Gay" claims in Focus on the Family ministries! (See my web
site review of John Paulk's book and exposure as a fraud. See
Besen provides a great deal of helpful historical information and gives
accurate scientific research and facts that refute the hysterical
"ex-gay" nonsense that is being dumped on GLBT people by Southern
Baptists and other abusive religious deceptions.
TRUTH IS THE FIRST CASUALTY
Truth is the first casualty in any war.
will never win the homophobic war against us by the abusive religious
forces of our society if we remain uninformed and ill equipped with the
truth. "Be diligent ("study") to show yourself approved of God,
rightly dividing the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15). Learn what
you need to know to respond adequately and effectively to the "slings
and arrows of outrageous fortune" that are being hurled against you!
Besen has provided us with a significant arsenal of truth in the
"Ex-Gay" wars that engulf and devour us today.
through and write out your own truth about yourself. Look within
to discover who you really are and celebrate your unique personality
and qualities that God has bestowed upon you. Nobody else can
really tell you who you are. You will not find your own spiritual
truth "out there" in a church or a teacher or in a doctrine, a creed, a
book or the Bible. You will discover your own personal truth
are made in the image of God. You have been given the Spirit of
Jesus within your own mind and heart. God is with you and all
around you in your present environment. Use and explore what you
The foundation Bible verse that I used for the basis of my first book,
"Invitation to Freedom,"
which was on "Personal Evangelism in the GLBT Community," was I Peter
3:15: "Sanctify (set apart) the Sovereign God in your hearts: and be
ready always to give an answer to every person that asks you for a
reason of the hope that is in you, yet with humility and
respect." (All of the material in "Invitation to Freedom" is now
included in my book on "Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse".)
The spiritual battle armor of God in Ephesians 6:12-18 begins with "truth"! There is no substitute for knowing the facts.
Anything But Straight by Wayne Besen:
About Wayne Besen:
here to see the articles about John Paulk and his book along with other
relevant updates and important professional opinions about the "Ex-Gay
Click here to see material on John Paulk: